Valentine's Day! (and one or two other things I don't really like)

Hello, Open Book reader. Glad to have you back. So…remember that promise I made early on to curb the sass mouth? Well, apologies in advance because I’m breaking that promise today. Originally, I wasn’t even going to get into what I’m about to get into, but recent developments have forced my hand. I tried. I tried really hard.

(Okay, maybe I didn’t try that hard. Either way I don’t deserve this cake. That reminds me, you might want to brace yourself for all the memes scattered throughout this post...)

Grade 3 was a really good year. Definitely one of the last stress-free times in my childhood for what would be a very long stretch of time. But there was one day that stands out in my memory because some of the sentiments I was told that day would come up several more times over the years: Valentine’s Day. My class was awesome, as was my teacher, so we all exchanged cards with each other because we got along so well. About an hour later I was talking with a small group of friends, one of whom was a close friend of mine, Dominic. I don’t remember what we were all talking about, but I just remember laughing about something and Dominic turning to me and, out of the blue random, saying something along the lines of “you’re ugly when you laugh”. Or maybe it was “you look/sound stupid when you laugh.” To this day I don’t know where that came from, because we were close friends and had always gotten along. I remember everyone going quiet, and I remember asking him what his problem was or asking him to explain himself, which he didn’t. He just laughed. So I went, “well, if you’re going to insult me, I guess you won’t be needing THIS,” then marching over to his desk and taking my Valentine’s Day card out of his Valentine’s Day mailbox. (FTR mine was the most recent addition, so I didn't riffle through the box or anything - I just took it right out from the front in one swift move) This man threw the mother of all tantrums and tried to snatch it back, and when that didn’t work, he went to the teacher, who was shocked that I of all students would do such a heartless thing. I explained what Dominic said, which he immediately tried to deny when he saw the teacher’s reaction. I asked, “so why am I taking my card back?” He went full-on “have you ever had a dream kid” until the teacher got tired and cut him off, saying he should just apologize. Then she turned to me and said I should also apologize for taking my card back (and that I should return it). When I asked why, she basically said that my taking the card back “wasn’t a very nice thing to do.” When I said “so, if someone does something hurtful to me – for no reason – I have to keep being nice to them?” At this point she got impatient and walked off. I didn’t know it back then, but this teacher was the first in a long line of people to tell me this for several years to come. (And in case you're wondering, I gave Dominic his card back and never spoke to him again.)

Long story short, I have always been confused about how to act when people you know, romantically or otherwise, treat you a certain way. It got worse about a month ago when I saw this TikTok and a corresponding article going viral about how people have been settling for less than the bare minimum from their partners and it’s really eye-opening, we shouldn’t have to lower our standards and so on, which left me even more confused because…well, that’s just not what I’ve been told. So TL;DR - I don't know anything about relationships, and when I write about it I'm pretty much guessing...or I'm really, really putting my imagination to work. ^_^"

Now here comes the part where I'd like to say that maybe I can learn more once the pandemic eases and I can start meeting new people again. Here's why that's probably not going to be a thing:

On Yume’s birthday this past September, I went to Kinton Ramen to celebrate and was approached by a random dude who was trying to find the entrance. He was very friendly, but I didn’t realize he was hot until I was leaving Kinton with my food and saw him take his mask off (so I guess post-pandemic, this is going to be a thing with…everybody XD). Last week I crossed paths with a man at my new workplace. This situation felt slightly different because even with his mask on, it was clear he was pretty attractive. I decided to squish my anxiety, for fear of "missing my chance" and talk to him the next time I saw him, which was a few days ago when we had to temporarily share office space. So now we’re having a friendly chat, and I summon my courage and introduce myself: “I’m Sifton, by the way.” And I wait.

He pauses. “Sifton,” he says. Not the usual “…wait, what? Si…Sif…Shif…Stef…Stefan…Shifting…wait, WHAT?” None of it. Just my name, pronounced the way it’s supposed to be. Yay. Now I just need to hear his name and reply with “nice to meet you,” because I am (or I was) convinced that’s how humans engage in conversation.

Instead, I get: “Sifton…that’s gonna be a tough one to say.”

(my actual face at that moment)

So, after turning down the volume on my inner monologue and explaining “it’s just like Clifton, but with an ‘S’ instead of a ‘Cl’” he and another co-worker nearby started a new conversation about how hard it is to remember so many names when you’re in so many new places, etc. etc…so maybe he meant my name would be a tough one to remember among all the other names he has to remember? But again, that's not what he said. He said my name - perfectly - and then went on to say that he couldn't say it. ಠ_______ಠ

(Five minutes later I was alone in the office and heard a child somewhere in the distance yelling “GOODBYE I’M GOING AWAY FOREVER” and I couldn’t stop laughing because it was exactly what I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.)

Here’s a little-known truth: I have grown to hate…HATE…telling people my name. Don’t get me started on what I do when I order things at Starbucks. If a stranger can get through hearing my name with a straight face, I immediately consider them my insta-friend (unless of course this is going down at a Starbucks – I may or may not share that story later). There’s a clip running around the internet in which actress Uzo Aduba retells a conversation between her and her mom about her own name. While this guy and this co-worker were talking, I kinda just sat there and tuned out because all I could think about was Uzo’s mom and how she is absolutely right: people don’t go wide-eyed and have visceral reactions when trying to pronounce Tchaikovsky, Michelangelo or Dostoevsky…so, what gives? What’s the deal? I'm asking for all the people in the back. 

The summarized version of all this ranting is I am no expert on romance or relationships, or even meeting and interacting with new people. Adding a romantic element to Yume was ridiculously hard, and its prequel/sequel will probably be even harder to write because it (currently) involves a love triangle, and I can’t even guess how those things work. Also, if you’re familiar with Yume, you’ve seen how the main character goes through this name-based microaggression a lot. It was one of those things I never intended to add to the story, but it came up so many times in Japan (and continues to come up to this day) that it eventually snaked its way into a particular scene where Cybelle introduces herself and gets so fed up with someone’s reaction to her name she blurts out that she didn’t ask for their opinion. In any case, I just found it interesting that these two features of Yume are still perplexing me today when I thought I had a pretty good understanding of one and wouldn't have to deal with the other anymore. 

Ah, whatever. As Cybelle would say, "it's fine." In fact (now that my inner sass mouth has been appeased) I hope to write more stories about weird relationships starring weird people with "weird" names. Hopefully there won't be too many Valentine's Days in between those stories coming into existence. Okay, I'm finished. Inner Sass Mouth, signing off! \(^0^)/

(P.S. I STILL don't know this guy's name! He never told me, so I couldn't even come up with a clapback. XD But again, it's fine. I'm just going to play memes in my head on repeat while I keep an eye out for other people to be insta-friends with.)